GAYRIZONA DREAM

ARIZONA DREAM parody.

The author did not intend to mock the original product. This script is written just for fun, provoked by the strange moments in AD and some imagination. Loved the film, Kusturica rocks.
this is only a parody.
i am the author. feel free to quote, but do not paste the whole thing, link here to my blog ^^. thanks, enjoy. ^.^



OPENING SCENE, an Eskimo crashes in the ice, his god-dog* saves him and with its super powers teleports him into his igloo where he can have sex with his Eskimo wife while their son is chasing after an ultra-hard balloon which flies from Alaska to NY without bursting, but the important thing is the Eskimo’s caught a freak-fish.

*we’ll refer to that dog as god-dog because 1) it’s an ambigram and 2) the dog is like the most important character in the story, duh.

JOHNNY DEPP APPEARING
AXEL: Hi. I sleep in the garbage, because I’m sort of homeless and I don’t have a real job besides counting the fish in the water. I don’t have any friends either, ‘cause I only enjoy talking to the fish. But I’m portrayed by Johnny Depp so it’s fine, because I’m oh-so-hot. ^^ Btw, I subconsciously identify myself with a freak-fish.

…
WEIRD GAY GUY: *checking out Arnold Schwarzenegger*
WEIRD GAY GUY: *hitting on Axel*
WEIRD GAY GUY: *showing his huge, massive… gun*
AXEL: That’s hot. I’ll now let you get me drunk and then drive me to my uncle’s.
WEIRD GAY GUY is actually Paul, Axel’s cousin.
PAUL: Dude, you smell like fish… Hold me!


AXEL’S NEXT DREAM
[scene cut due to lack of sense]

SCENE WHERE LEO, AXEL’S UNCLE, IS WALKING AROUND IN ARIZONA PANTLESS, INTORDUCES HIS FIONCEE WHO CRIES BECAUSE SHE REALISES SHE’S PRACTICALLY MARRYING HER GRANDPA
[scene cut due to over-boredom]

CHILDHOOD – watching old films with Leo, Axel remembers his youth.
AXEL: I didn’t want to come to your wedding ‘cause I kinda blame you for my parents’ death, but it’s okay now, don’t cry, Leo. Damn, you smell nice.
LEO: Live with me for a while.
AXEL: No problem, but don’t you dare think about turning me into you! I want to be homeless and smell like fish!
LEO: kk.

IN THE CINEMA
SOME DOG: *runs and goes into the hall*
PAUL: What d’you know, it’s a giant banana and it’s coming out of my pants, LOL! And now I’m gonna pretend to be a heterosexual for a while by finger-banging that chick in the front row!
AXEL: *leans over to watch them closely* Ew.

SCENE WHERE AXEL MEETS ELAINE AND GRACE IN THE CADILLAC STORE
[scene cut due to the over-length of Fay Dunaway’s legs and/or the over-suicidal behaviour of Grace]

WTF THEY’RE ALL DINING AT ELAINE’S
ELAINE: I’m obsessed with Papua New Guinea.
GRACE: I like turtles. I like them very much. I play with them. When I die, I want to be a turtle so that it’ll be normal for me to bang them all day long. Forever.
PAUL: *throws sth under the table* Oops, now I’ll have to lick Elaine’s gorgeous leg, because you still don’t suspect how gay I actually am.
AXEL: Damn you, Paul, why can’t you lick mine?
GRACE: NO NO NO TURTLES ARE A BETTER TOPIC THAN NEW GUINEA, YOU CAN’T PERSUADE ME ELAINE YOU KILLED MY FATHER #$%^&*() I’M GOING TO KILL MYSELF, I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE!
GRACE: *bungee jumps with her tights*
GRACE: *survives*

THE SUPER ROMANTIC SCENE:
ELAINE: Once upon a time, when I was young, I wanted to fly.
ELAINE & AXEL: *fly while sitting around the coffee table in the yard*


THE NEXT MORNING:
PAUL: I only wear black. I’m hot.
AXEL: Elaine’s hotter. I’ll build her a flying machine, because I so desperately want to get laid.
GRACE: I have an accordion!
AXEL: According to Paul, men killed the dinosaurs. He’s kinda dumb, but still hot. Anywayz, Elaine is hotter. *hooks up with her*
GOD-DOG: *bark*
AXEL’S FLYING MACHINE: *collapses in fear of the God-dog*

THE NEXT NEXT MORNING:
GRACE: *sniff-sniff* HOW COULD YOU FUCK MY MOTHER, YOU STUPID GAY MOTHERFUCKER, AHHH! *spills milk on Axel with all the hatred possible*
AXEL: Yay, now I can eat my cereal!

5-6h later
AXEL builds an air-strip or sth for the machine.
GOD-DOG supervises in a barking manner.
GRACE spoils a romantic moment between Axel and Elaine by playing her accordion.

A VERY STUPID SCENE WHERE AXEL AND ELAINE UPGRADE THE MACHINE AND AXEL FINDS A PISTOL.
[scene cut due to obvi]

THE NEXT NEXT NEXT MORNING:
LEO and PAUL arrive to retrieve AXEL who is refusing to go home.
PAUL: You’re a moron.
AXEL: No, you’re a moron.
PAUL: I’ll beat you so hard.
AXEL: Sexy.
AXEL and PAUL fight and roll around the yard.
ELAINE tells her true age to LEO, he escapes screaming, taking PAUL with him. GOD-DOG swears them in doggish.


ANOTHER WEIRD DREAM FOR AXEL:
[scene cut due to lack of sense]

THE NEXT NEXT NEXT NEXT MORNING:
GRACE is smashing the machine.
AXEL repairs.

UNDEFINED MOMENT:
AXEL slides around in a trolley or sth with a table-cloth on himself.
GRACE plays on her accordion angrily.
AXEL does the chicken dance in response.
ELAINE: Have I ever told you how smoking hot you are in a table-cloth? Do me now!
AXEL: *does her on the wall and then smokes 3 cigarettes as 1*
GRACE smashes the machine. Again.
GOD-DOG sleeps.

THE NEXT^5 MORNING:
AXEL & ELAINE fly, GOD-DOG sees them off, they crash and ELAINE becomes even more retarded.

SEXY SCENE:
AXEL decides he has to use the pistol. He goes to kill GRACE, but chickens out and has sex with her instead, because that’s so like what normal people do – they either shoot guys or fuck them.

THE ULTIMATE STUPID TALENT-EVE SCENE WHERE PAUL SHOWS EVERYBODY EXACTLY HOW MUCH HE SUCKS AT ACTING:
[scene cut due to over-boredom]
LEO’S FIONCEE interrupts to say he’s dying. LEO actually dies in AXEL’s hands and flies to the Moon.

THE RETURNING:
AXEL: Elaine, sry.
ELAINE: Go away. Wait. No, go. No, wait. No. Yes. No. Yes. No, dammit!
AXEL: Ugh, no way to settle this without sex.
ELAINE: BTW, LEO’S FIONCEE is like the only cute girl you haven’t slept with yet, you should think about it!
AXEL: Yeah.. I haven’t done it with PAUL either and I think about it all.the.time. ^.^
ELAINE: *nailing stuff on/above her head* In case you haven’t noticed, I’m retarded AND bipolar! AND NOW I’M GONNA THROW THIS YELLOW TOY-PLANE ON YOU!
AXEL: Sex anyone? ;?
SOME SOMBRERO GAY HOMBRES: *playing*
AXEL & GRACE suspiciously go to da roof.
GRACE: Life’s beautiful. *gets high*
AXEL: How about making out?
GRACE: YEAHH. LIFE’S BEAUTIFUUUL.
ELAINE: *tries to kill them while flying, doesn’t succeed, tries with PAUL*
PAUL: *rolls in circles on the ground, because God-dog is not in this scene because of being busy with some divine stuff and someone just has to do the dog’s work, how else are we to convey the meaning here?!*

ELAINE’S BIRTHDAY EVE:
PAUL: Hey, Axel, I’m making this small talk because there are some 20 mins until the end of the film and I still hope we can hook up.
GOD-DOG: [translated from doggish] I’m so totally humping your leg, dude. AXEL, back off, you stupid fag, go have a threesome or sth!
[rainy stuff when everyone’s blind-walking around and GRACE destroys a toy-rider cut because of being boring]
[PAUL’s gay story cut for the same reason]
GRACE: I want you to have something.
AXEL: You want me to have the world?
GRACE: Actually, I want you to have sex with me, but sure, world works too.
AXEL: Let’s screw around together!
GRACE: Let’s screw each other!
AXEL: Nah, I’m only having sex with you once in this film and they don’t even show it.
GRACE: Damn. I’m so depressed right now. Okay, let’s wrap presents in a perfectly non-sexual way instead.

THE WEIRDEST SCENE:
PAUL: *talks to the cake*
GOD-DOG: *cuddles with PAUL*
GRACE: *kills herself ritually in white dress in the rain*
AXEL: And all of this happened just so that I could see... I subconsciously identify myself with a freak-fish!
EVERYONE: *facepalm*

THE END

- aren't there other ways i can get pregnant, like sitting on the toilet seat?
- yeah, absolutely. there would need to be a guy sitting between you and the toilet seat, but yes, absolutely !

even if i'm not loved, i still want to love. to love someone from the bottom of your heart is the simplest thing in the world. so why is it so difficult?